I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
