i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
