That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
