He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't deserve a penis
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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