I could make wine with my vomit
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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