Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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