just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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