I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
