just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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