sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
