Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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