he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
