im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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