did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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