sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
