Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
