You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
