Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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