grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
