oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
