Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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