Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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