I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
