How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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