Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
