Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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