Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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