I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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