its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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