First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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