Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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