I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
