I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
