I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
