its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
