Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
