i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
