Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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