you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
