I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
