So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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