I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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