So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
