my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
