I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
