started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
