that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
