wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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