Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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