It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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