plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize