Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
