Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
