Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
