:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
